A hard thing to talk about....but its time

This has taken me a long time to get up the nerve and the courage to write about this. I have talked myself out of it many, many  times. Its hard to lay it out there for everyone to read about, but by putting it out there I also hope that it will help me to stick to my goals. Just a little over a year ago I had decided that I had had enough of looking in the mirror and seeing my body grow. I had had enough of feeling run down 24/7 and getting winded when I walked to the top of our stairs. I had tried diet after diet, to no avail. I had tried starving myself...which as we all know, NEVER works. And I had tried "just not caring anymore", which didn't work either. Deron and I went to Hawaii last February with my wonderful in-laws and when I got back and uploaded all of my pictures that we had taken while on vacation, I was just sickened by the way I looked in them. I wanted to delete every photo with me in it, but didn't because it was in Hawaii and I didn't know if I would ever get back there, but I have found the pictures to be a daily reminder of how I NEVER want to look again. I decided that I HAD to do something. I joined our local Weight Watchers. It has been almost a year now and there has been many ups and downs in my weight as well as my emotions. I have had many sucesses and some disappointments. But I have lost 40 lbs and I feel so much better. I can walk on the treadmill for 45+ minutes now (which I couldn't do before), I can walk to the top of the stairs several times without feeling winded, and I can chose to eat healthier because I want to, not because I am told that I have to. I met my weight goal back in October and have been a "Life Time" member since the end of November. I am now just trying to maintain my weight, which is a whole lot harder than it sounds, but I continue to keep trying. I love the Weight Watchers program and recommend it. Its not easy. Its something you have to take serious and work hard at. I am sure my weight issues will be something that I will have to continue to work on my entire life. My problem is, food...if we could just boycott all food, I wouldn't struggle. I watch others when I go out to eat (yes, I can still do that being on WW) and wished that I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain the weight. I know there are some of you out there that are blessed with this wonderful ability, but I am not one of them....wished that I was, but I am not. I am not writing this to pat myself on the back or to have anyone else pat me on the back. I am writing this to remind myself of WHY I chose to go on WW and why I try hard to continue to work at it. I have to remind myself everyday that if "Hunger is not the problem, Food is not the answer". 

       

Before I joined Weight Watchers (above)

Now, 11 months later (to the right)

I am sure that I will continue to have ups and downs, both in my weight and with my emotions. I know that my battle with weight, healthy choices, and food will always be just that, a battle. But I am going to chose to fight that battle, one day at a time, and be more positive with myself and try to look at what I have accomplished instead of what I have ahead of me. I want to be healthy and happy, that is my ultimate goal, but for today and just today (you see tomorrow is "another today" and I will again choose to do the same thing tomorrow as I do today, but I can only take one day at a time) I choose to eat healthy, move more and be positive with myself.... "Sucess is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out" (thats myself giving myself a pep talk...don't mind me!)

The Critics Corner....

Deron and I went to the movie a couple of weeks ago, which we don't do as much as we use to. Mainly because we are getting so picky about movies. So many of them are full of tons of action but no story line, dirty (comedy's that just have too many innuendo's in them for my liking), fluff shows, or just out right dumb. I think we hit the jack pot this time. We went and saw "Australia". It was awesome. A little long for those of us who fall asleep in movies, but it had alot of action, drama and of course a love story, so I was able to stay awake and love the show. I will definatly add that one to my DVD collection and watch it again and again. I love to watch movies and thought that I would share my top 20 list...in no particular order. 

1. Australia

2. Steel Magnolias

3. Star Dust

4. I know what you did last summer (1 & 2)-Clean Films Version

5. Titanic

6. Beaches

7. Lord of the Rings (1,2,3)

8. Run Away Bride

9. Savannah Smiles

10. The River Wild

11. Sweet Home Alabama

12. Vertical Limit

13. Charley

14. Willow

15. I am Legend

16. Narnia (1,2)

17. The Notebook

18. The Wizard of Oz

19. ALL the Disney Classics and most of the new one

20. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

I know, I like a very WIDE variety of movies. I love a good scary movie...not a ghost movie, but one where someone is lurking in the bushes or coming after someone, but I won't watch it alone! I love old westerns, and alot of the old classics. I like action, but it has to have a story to it, not just a bunch of special effects. I like a good chick flick and drama's if they don't dive too deep. I hate comedy, movies that don't keep moving and bad animation. I despise cartoons that swear...what is the purpose (is there ever a purpose in using the language??? It never adds to the movie, could be done without as far as I am concerned.) My all time most hated movie was "A Beautiful Mind", I know...there are some of you out there that loved the show, but I just couldn't get into it, it bored me clear to death. There are many that are on my "dud" list...but too many to list, so I won't bore you with that. NOW I think you should all blog about your favorite movies....I would love to hear what else is good out there. 

My Twins...

It was spirit week at the high school last week. The kids got to dress up in different things each day. One day was PJ day, one day was backward, inside out, upside down day (I think that was what it was called), among others. For blue and white day Kimber and Cameron dressed up like a basketball player and a cheerleader (which neither one of them are). But it just kind of made me think how these 2 wonderful kids are so close and are like each others best friend, always there for each other. Even for halloween they dressed up like Ketchup and Mustard. They like to do things together and hang out doing whatever it is they are doing at that moment. Kimber and Cameron were born exactly 2 years and 2 days apart, but yet they are so much like twins. They like alot of the same things, they get along...most of the time, and they are each others confidant. They are always helping each other out. They don't look alot alike, but some twins don't. I like to tease Cameron that he just had to wait 2 extra years to come down to earth. Its so nice to know that no matter what, they always have each other to lean on, to bring the other one up and to cheer each other on as they go through life. I am happy they are my children, I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. Happy Birthday next week to Kimber and Cameron- I love you two crazy kids!!!

The "Bucket List"

I've decided that I am going to write a "Bucket List". I don't know how many of you have seen the movie called, "The Bucket List", for those of you that haven't, its about a man who is dying and he makes a list of things that he wants to do before he dies and then he sets out to accomplish them all. Its a funny, sad and very thought provoking movie, or at least it was for me. If nothing else the movie makes you think. No, I am not making a plug for the movie- it has a good message, but isn't on my "top 10 have to see movies." The point being...I am going to make a list of things that I want to accomplish before I die.  This past year was my huge "milestone birthday" and I'm afraid that I am on the downward slide of life. (oh- by the way...I am NOT planning on dying...I still have a good 45 years or so left in me, but I will keep you posted on that one). I am going to come up with 75 things that I want to accomplish in the next 1/2 of my life. I am going to take pictures and journal about each one that I do, so those of you who care to watch can feel a part of my journey. I think it will be a fun way to make and set goals and then carry them out. After all "A goal that isn't written down, is only a dream". And I want the rest of my life to be more than "just a dream". 

The Cookie Monster!

It was a holiday today, I guess if thats what you call it. Do mom's get holidays? Hmmm...I don't think that I have ever had a "real holiday," you know the kind that the people who "really work" get...when you have a rest from your daily work?! , anyway back to today....After cleaning and putting the house back in order after the weekend. Halle asked me if we could make cookies. Deron had been asking for about 3 days if SOMEONE, ANYONE...would make him cookies. I hate the mess, and after just spending the good part of the day cleaning the kitchen, the thought of messing it up again just didn't sound very fun. But then I got thinking, since Kim and Cameron were both gone and it was just Halle and I at home, I don't usually get to spend much "one-on-one time" with her, so I decided that another mess was worth the time I would get to spend with my favorite 11 year old in the world, so you guessed it... we made cookies, Mrs. Fields Chocolate Chip cookies, to be exact.  Halle is still learning about measuring and mixing so it was a fun thing to be able to cook together, plus she got a little cooking class as well. I forget how many cookies this recipe makes, so we had alot to spread around. We took some to our neighbors
and some to Todd and Dana too, hopefully they enjoyed them as much as we all did. It was a good day and fun spend it with Halle. 

The Gift that keeps on giving!

We all know that Christmas is a time for giving. We all just experienced the stress of coming up with a gift, shopping, fighting the crowds, finding just the right thing, wrapping it in what we thought was "adorable" Christmas wrap, and presenting it to our loved ones on Christmas morning. Then came the stress of wondering if they really liked it or were "just being nice". If they will cherish it forever or if it will just get pushed to the back of the closet. Been there, done that?! Me too. Well, this year for Christmas I think our kids gave us the greatest gifts ever. Deron and I are at an age (ouch that hurts to say that) that we can't really think of anything inexpensive that we want (our wants have now been pushed to the "dream list", you know the kind of list that "someday we'll get or someday we'll do" because they are way out of price range.). So when the kids ask us what we want for Christmas we really don't want anything. We have them, and that is the best part of Christmas. This year they gave us a gift that we will cherish forever, it was a gift of their time. The boys bought Deron a ticket to a Jazz game, and then they each bought tickets for themselves for the same game. The girls gave me a gift certificate for the Hollow Moon and gave me an entire day (the day that the boys would be gone to the game) with them to craft. January 10th was the day that this all transpired. The boys got up and got ready and they all headed off to Salt Lake for their "MAN day". They loved every single second of it, at least Deron did. He said it was so much fun to just spend the day with all of his son's, hanging out and doing "Man things, eating Man food, and being Men". (sorry I didn't have any pictures because...I am not a MAN so I wasn't invited) All the girls and I started right in on our crafting. We each brought one craft(enough for all to do 1 of ours) in total we did 5+ crafts. 

We laughed and talked and sang songs (along with the music that we were listening to) we sanded, painted, modge podged, ironed, and cut paper, all for hours on end! We broke for lunch..Girl food of course (major salad bar) and then again to get ready and go to the Hollow Moon (Heaven) and eat more "Girl Food". We finally finished at 11:30pm when we swept up the last scrap of paper, washed the last dish and put our feet up. I had a wonderful time. It was such a thoughtful and sweet gift and this time next year...I will still remember what they gave me. It won't be pushed to the back of the closet and I will have all my cute crafts sitting around my house to remind me...that Christmas gifts really can last all year long!!!!

Change..for the better, I hope

New Years is always a time to think about "Change". The problem is, I think about it, but I don't know if I do much about it. I write resolutions but most often they fall in between the cracks and get lost and forgotten by February 1st. Although, I have done alot of thinking the past 7 months as to things pertaining to my life. As many of you know, I was in a scary car accident back in May and since then I have looked at my life a little differently, thinking about where my life might be, had it ended that day. Am I prepared to meet my maker? Am I prepared to leave my family and feel as though I have done all that I should have and could have, to teach and raise my children? Am I ready to be happy living in the eternities with where my life is right now? The answer to all of those questions is NO, I am not ready for any of that. The only way for me to become more prepared is to make some changes, so that is what I am hoping to do this year. No, I am not going to become fanatical and "be perfect", but there are little changes that I need to make in my life that will hopefully have a big impact and put the direction of my life, onto a straighter path. I want to be happy. I want to feel like I am at least trying harder to head in the right direction. Someone once said, "Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again." I think that holds true for my life. I am going to do better this year and just be a better person...I am going to set my resolutions and make it possible to become that "better person".

The last of the last until...NexT year.

Another New Years Eve came and went, so I guess that means that the holidays are officially over. I am counting down the days until next year. If any of you would like to know...there are 356 days left until Christmas comes again. So...we best all dash out and get our shopping done! The New Years Eve party at our house was a lot of fun. We had Todd and Dana over and Deron's brother Jon and his girls, and his sweet girlfriend, Kim. We watched a movie and ate dinner. Then at 9:00 we started playing games. We played our hearts out and were still awake at midnight when the ball dropped. Honestly, I prefer not to be awake at that hour. I am usually asleep and in bed long before that, New Year's Eve or not. But I was a sport and this year, I got to enjoy my big New Years Eve kiss at the stroke of Midnight insteadof at 7:00 am when I usually get it. And then Halle and I did up the dishes. We had so much food. We had shrimp (Walmart had a killer deal on Cocktail Shrimp) and egg rolls, crab won tons, chips and lots of dips, cream cheese turkey roll ups, fruit of various kinds and so on and so on and so on! I told the kids that they could each pick at least one thing that they wanted to eat that night, and then Deron and I picked one and then we had to have some other stuff too so...it ended up being a feast that we are STILL eating on. It was all so good. (The picture shows SOME OF THE FOOD, but not all of it, there was another counter top clear full). We went to bed about 2:00am when we finally just couldn't hold our eyes open any more. Deron, Kim and Cameron all slept until about 11:30am (Halle and I are early risers and were awake and up by 7:00am) I decided to start the New Year out on a positive note and cook my families favorite...CREPES with cream and strawberries. I don't hardly ever make them because they are such a pain and so messy to clean up, but being a holiday, I decided to surprise AND spoil them a little.  It was great and we are already excited about next years celebrations. Happy New Year!