LoNG dAys...build character???? I DON'T think so!!!

Can I just vent for a minute?! (Guess its my blog and I can do what I want right?!) Its been "A LONG DAY"...I will just leave it at that...(not going to dive into any details or even share much BUT..). My heart is heavy, my mind is full and some days, I just DO to be DOING, so I don't have to think about anything. This morning was especially difficult for me....I debated on what I wanted to accomplish today and after my workout I decided that... I needed to get out. I had some things that I had to pick up at Walmart so today seemed like THE day to do it. I showered, got ready and jumped in the car....started driving and listening to the radio. Every song that came on seemed to choke me up , if it wasn't for one thing- it was another. Finally after 3o minutes of it I just started crying...there goes my make-up all down my face. SO I put a stop to the tunes and decided that I needed quiet time....that wasn't what I needed either, because then I just had thinking time, AND that WAS the LAST thing that I needed to do today! Finally I arrive at Walmart. I pull myself together, touch up the make up on my face and march in like I knew where I was going. I was hoping that I didn't run in to anyone that I knew today. NOT that I don't love all my friends and acquaintances because I do, they are the best ever...I just didn't want anyone to ask me "how I was today" (only because I KNEW that my emotions were on the sleeve of my shirt and would fall off at any minute). I wandered around the store for awhile, looking at this and that....even got a few Christmas ideas. I gathered up what I needed and then browsed a bit more. I didn't want to go home very bad and so I continued to wander. Just when I thought I was pulling myself together I walked past the end of an isle that had the cutest (little baby) Halloween costumes on it. They were all for 0-3 months old babies. There was a little pea (sweet pea), a Zebra, a giraffe and a little piggy....I just lost it, I started to cry! GOSH- I was supposed to be buying little Halloween outfits for my grandbaby to be wearing this month.... I was supposed to be waiting for my kids to send me pictures over the Internet, of him "all dressed up for grandma to see"....I was supposed to be getting ready to spoil him at Christmas, I already knew what I wanted to get him....I was supposed to be waiting for pictures of his first smile and looking forward to the many years that I was going to have with him, loving the cute little guy....I WAS SUPPOSED to be a grandma right now!! AND frankly...it still hurts like crazy!...I know eventually I will be a grandma. I have no doubts that it will happen. I know that the Lord has a plan for everyone and that my sweet daughter and sweet son-in-law will have babies of their own. I know that the Lord is blessing their lives as we speak, in the ways that only HE does. He loves them more than I do and HE will bless them. I also know that I have many children and eventually will have grandbabies running around my feet. But right now, I am still grieving for the grandbaby that we planned on having right now, today, the one that was supposed to be wrapped in the little red puppy blanket that I made just for him... Wearing the outfit that I bought just for him, with his first basketball sneakers...that's the way it was SUPPOSED TO BE...grief was just one of the emotions that got the best of me today. I had to leave the area because people were starting to stare and that's the last thing I wanted today was to draw attention to myself (I don't ever want that, but especially not today). I continued my journey through Walmart, trying to avoid any more "baby surprises". I finished up and headed to the front to check out. With all the flu that is out and about, I decided I was going to lean on the side of cautious and sort of check out all the checkers...see if any looked ill or worn down. I finally picked the one that I thought looked the healthiest (sounds like I was picking a hog for slaughter...). I proceeded to unload my cart and put everything on the belt and waited for her to start to scan my findings. JUST as she finished with the customer in front of me, she took out her till (I'm thinking WHAT THE HECK??) and said that she was heading home, her day was over (well okay, I thought...go home.) THEN who comes to take her place BUT the most sickly checker of the bunch. She is hacking up a lung, looks feverish and then "...excuses herself if she doesn't talk much, she has the FLU!!!!!!!!!!!!!"....I wanted to die! I know that my eyes flew open and my chin hit the floor. I couldn't believe it!!!! If she hadn't already touched my stuff and started scanning it through-I really might have loaded it all up and taken it to another register. BUT...instead, I sat there and watched her hack and cough as she put my things into bags. She tells me about "how sick she has been, can't sleep at night, has to sit up all night because she is coughing so much!!!!" I just literally wanted to slap this woman and send her home! WHAT business does she have coming to work and contaminating everyone else??? Doesn't she know that's how things spread????....UHGGGGGGGGGG. I wasn't very nice...I didn't say anything and was very short with her. I didn't want to yell and tell her what I really thought, so I opted to do what thumper councils us to do, "if you can't say anyfing nice, don't say noffing at all"....so I said NOTHING! Needless to say, I couldn't get the hand sanitizer on fast enough and the sacks are NOT getting emptied for at least 24 hours! Its just been that kind of a day!!!.......

NOW- I'm done crying and I'm done venting... and I am sure "the sun will come out tomorrow", things will look better and brighter and I will be okay....no worries.