Death never sounded so appealing...until now!

This really is so rich and yummy that you will feel as though you could just die at any moment and be fine. It can be made both sugar-free and NOT sugar-free....you choose your choice of death. I've tried both and they are equally as good!!!

Dayna's Death By Chocolate

Ingredients: Sugar Free Brownies (or regular)

Sugar Free Chocolate Pudding (or regular)

Sugar Free Whipped Topping (or regular)

Sugar Free chocolate bars (or snickers bar)

When layering this, it can be made in a big bowl with multiple layers or doing just a single layer in a cake pan.

Sugar-Free Brownies:

1/2 c. butter

1/4 c. cocoa powder

2 eggs

1 1/4 c. splenda (or regular sugar)

1/4 c. sugar-free chocolate syrup (or regular)

3/4 c. flour

1/4 t. salt

1 t. vanilla

Preheat oven to 350 and grease an 8" pan (I doubled mine and did a 9x13 pan)

In a medium saucepan melt butter and cocoa stirring it until smooth. Remove from heat and set aside to cool for 5 minutes. In a separate bowl add the eggs, splenda and chocolate syrup, beat until smooth and combine with butter and cocoa mixture. Add remaining ingredients and stir until everything is mixed in

. Bake for 25- 30 minutes (if you've doubled it then your time is different...mine ended up being almost 45 minutes..just watch it and check on it every few minutes after the 30 minutes is up, I am sure that oven temps vary and so will the time). When done cooking, cool completely.

Once the brownies are cooled, break them up until they are bite sized chunks.

Layer them on the bottom of your dish. Layer pudding on top of the brownies. Layer whipped topping on top of pudding, repeat layers until it fills your bowl, ending with the whipped topping on top. Then crush your candy bars up and sprinkle them on the the whipped topping. Keep refrigerated until ready to serve and then refrigerate any leftovers. Lasts well for days as long as its kept cold. Enjoy & let me know how you like it!

~Happy Cooking~

September MOURN....

I think Autumn is officially here...at least all the produce thinks so. My tomato's have been so slow coming on and so I haven't been able to even eat very many...BUT today as I was roaming around the garden, I saw that they are all turning red at the SAME time! So I need to get them all picked and get canning (oh you all KNOW how much I LOVE THAT...NOT!!!!!!) The raspberries are coming on full force (already made 1 batch of freezer jam...and raspberry freezer jam is the BEST!) and our cute little peach tree (it really is little, only 2 years old) is loaded with peaches. Probably only enough to eat or make a little bit of jam, but regardless, its got alot of fruit on it. Our Plum tree has finally got some fruit on it as well, not very much but it will give us all an opportunity to taste whatever is there. In a couple of years, if the trees keep going like they are, I might have to hire some "happy help" to come and help me pick, wash and bottle everything...and help me to be "happy" during the process. I just have a hard time looking past all of the work! Having summer coming to a close saddens me, it almost puts me into a grieving state of mind, not that I don't love Autumn because I DO, but because that means that winter is right around the corner and I despise WINTER!...so if you see me laying in my yard, doing nothing else but soaking up the rays...its just because I am trying to "preserve" them to help me make it through the winter...you know- get my "bottling" of sunshine done, Hey that sounds like more fun than bottling veggies and fruit...doesn't it?! At least it does to ME~

Make overs and growing up~

Its been a "tradition" that my girls get to start wearing make up in the 7th grade. They've each waited for their 12th birthday to come so they could get make-up and start playing around with it. But it isn't until they start school that they get to wear it in public. A couple of weeks ago, Halle asked me to do a "make over" on her and teach her how to apply make up, what colors to wear, what not to wear...you know...the usual "girl make-up things". We sat her down in a chair and got out different colors of eyeshadow, lip gloss etc...trying a few different things. We tried a dramatic look and a not so dramatic look....and decided that the "not so dramatic look" was more "HALLE". She's been playing around with her make-up since her little make-over and has figured it all out. She still isn't totally sold on the idea of the make-up thing yet, only because she said she doesn't want people to think that she is playing dress-up, or have it look like she is... I think she looks cute and I am positive that she will grow right into loving it...my other 2 girls did, I can't imagine that Halle will be any different. Another change that she's decided to make this year is.... she wants to grow her hair out long. She got Deron's naturally curly hair and she wants to see what it would look like past her shoulders.... Gosh...they turn 12 and get their own oppinions and ideas...whats that all about!?! Its hard to believe that she is the last- of the last. I won't get to do this again...no more firsts in the make-up category for me...this is it!

Part of being ME~

My mind has been heavy for awhile now. So many things have been weighing me down. I have wanted to express my feelings but don't know exactly how to go about it. I don't normally express my deepest thoughts or feelings to anyone because it makes me feel vulnerable. I feel exposed, "naked" (so to speak), if the barrier that so closely surrounds me...is removed or taken away. But life has a way sometimes, of forcing that barrier down and cracking the shell just a bit, because of circumstances that are completely out of my control.

For several years I have felt like I have been on a roller coaster ride of emotions...lots of highs, and lots of lows. The highs never seem to hit high enough and the lows are very low, plummeting me into a black hole it seems at times. Ever since I can remember, even as a small child, I've had a hard time getting excited about things, anything. I don't get excited about getting a new car, getting a new house, going on a trip or a vacation, holidays, the future....really anything. (Although... after I have whatever it is I was hoping for/looking forward to, in my hands or experiencing it~ I get excited and I am thrilled beyond measure that I am able to have/do whatever it is that was going to take place...I just want to make that part clear) Its not because I don't WANT to get excited, because I do...but its because I don't want to be disappointed if/when it doesn't work out. I realize that part of the excitement is in the anticipation of whatever is going to take place and whether or not what your hoping for happens or not...the anticipation is supposed to be some kind of a "high". Not in my book. It's part of the "safety barrier" thing for me, if I don't get excited about things then I won't get hurt or disappointed in the end. Because it seems like there is more disappointment than joy anymore...at least that's the way it feels to me sometimes. (not trying to be negative, just making an observation and stating a fact) Several months ago our family received some news of something wonderful that was going to happen...something that we had all hoped and prayed for. At first I had decided that I wasn't going to let myself get excited about it. I would stay in a "reserved happy" phase and just hope that everything would work out and THEN I would get excited when it all happened (because there would be time for that). But as the days (very few of them in fact) went by...I got more and more excited. I let my guard down and got "thrilled" at the thought of such a blessing coming into our lives. I thought about it daily, prepared, planned and even made extended plans for the future. I talked about it with my children. I was EXCITED, to say the least! I put my emotions out there...feeling like "this time" everything was in place and there wasn't a chance for anything to go wrong. Then just over a week ago, we found out that this blessing we had all hoped and prayed for will no longer be ours. It was as if someone had let the air out of my balloon. Excitement was replaced with sadness. Plans were replaced with heartache. I feel lost, confused and full of so many questions. Why can't life be fair? Why can't we all be blessed equally? Why do trials have to come along and dash out hopes and dreams? Honestly...I am sick of trials! I am sick and tired of feeling like I am at the end of my rope all the time. I am tired of struggles and I'm tired of watching my family struggle. I try to count my blessings...because I KNOW that I am blessed. I have no doubts about that...I know that if I turn around and look the other way, in any direction, someone has worse problems than me...and I know that in turn, I wouldn't trade them problems. BUT that doesn't take away the pain that I feel, even though I know that it should. It doesn't take away the hurt and pain that my family feels. As a mom, I'm a fixer, I'm supposed to make things better, fix problems, fix boo-boo's and kiss them better, put a band aid on them and make them go away. That's not going to work this time. As hard as I try, I can't make this better and I wished so badly that I could. I wished that I were a stronger person...an emotionally, mentally and spiritually stronger person. Time heals all wounds...it always does....and I am sure in time these wounds will heal for all of us too, but not without leaving a scar. Even though the days will go by and the months will pass...we will always remember and hold a special place in our hearts for the one special little blessing that just didn't get to come our way this time. But I know, eventually, another one will. Hopefully a day will come when I can look back and trials in life will seem small and not as big as they do now.

In hind sight....do I regret letting myself get excited about the blessing that was going to come our way?....NO. Would I do it again?....YES. Does it change anything?...No, I still prefer my little "safety barrier" and will probably leave it up most of the time. I feel better knowing that I have it surrounding me and that I don't have to put my emotions "out there" for people or life to stomp on. Its hard for me to be open, to air my dirty laundry (so to speak) or to admit that I have problems (not that you don't already know that I do....because don't we all??)...I am not feeling sorry for myself or my family. Today- I just needed to vent a little, and I had to open up my "shell" just a crack so that I could...and now that I have vented, I will pull myself together, put myself back on track and get back to holding it all together.

Here it comes...ready or NoT!...

"Cameron's Old Timer"

Yesterday was the first day of school and Oh...the getting up at 6:00am, the making of breakfast by 7:00am and then the coaxing to get the kids to hurry up and get ready before 8:00 when they have to dash out the door....and then there is the dreaded homework and the constant nagging to get some of them to get it done (if they even remember to bring it home...AHHH), the whining and complaining about how bad they hate school... and now its all coming back to me WHY I HATE the school year. I like my kids home during the summer. We have fun together, we work hard, we play hard and we even take time to relax a little. When school starts back up again it becomes all about schedules...its the "time to be here" and "time to be there".... that makes me go nuts. Its the crazy life again and I am not so fond of "CRAZY LIFE". But reg
ardless...of what I like or don't like, I am grateful that they can attend school and learn, because I'm not smart enough to do the homeschool thing. And even though I like them home during the summer...I'm sure that in this case TO MUCH OF A GOOD THING...MIGHT BE A BAD THING...at least for me. So yesterday was the BIG DAY...Halle's firstday in Jr. High, Kim's LAST "first day of school" and Cameron's first day as a big sophmore. Elementary is a thing of the past for us and we are looking forward to the next 6 years....we all know that it flies by faster than we think. Cameron wanted Kim to drive his truck to school on the first day...show it off a bit...and get to make an impression on the girls (boys...they're always thinking~). Everyone had a great day. Halle said that she couldn't get her locker open by herself for most of the day, Kim said that her favorite part of the day was being a senior and getting to cut in front of the lunch line and not get in trouble. Cameron said his favorite part was when the bell rang to come home....gotta love those first days of school!

Day 6 and 7...the end of the week

After Friday's long day...Saturday came along and I just wanted to rest! But resting wasn't in the plans. I still had to go and get groceries. I was out of everything and the dreaded chore was now a HAVE to. Halle didn't want to go and so she and Deron planned a picnic and a little drive, just the two of them. Cameron once again wanted to go up on the mountain with Grandpa and Lee, so that's where he spent his day. Kim, bless her heart, decided to come with me and help me do the drudgery's of getting groceries. After arriving home I sat down with the girls and watched the "Hannah Montana Movie." I don't usually get into Hannah Montana or any of the little shows like that, that are on the Disney channel, but Halle really wanted me to watch it...and so I did. I was pleasantly surprised. It was a fun little show. It had a really good message about being yourself, not letting others decide who you are and following your dreams. I'm glad that she talked me into watching it with her.

On Sunday...Day #7 we have just relaxed and we are calling that "FUN," today. Someday's that's just what you have to do and Sunday seems to be the only day I get to do that. I forget about the laundry, the cleaning and the regular stuff and I try and take time to do a little R & R and catch up on my blogs.

I loved our "FUN WEEK!" I learned alot about my kids, about myself and most of all...that its okay and important to take the time to have a little fun. It doesn't have to cost money, it doesn't have to take hours and hours and it doesn't have to consist of leaving your comfort zone (home)...all it takes is some imagination, some time and the ability to let your hair down a bit. I hope that I can remember to have fun more often, to spend time with my kids and make memories that they will have throughout their entire lives. I love them and they mean the world to me. Someday when they look back on their childhood and teen years I want them be able to reflect on many fun and happy times....and I want to be a part of those "FUN and HAPPY TIMES".

Day 5...a little FUN mingled with a lot of hard work!

School shopping has gotten a little less time consuming than it use to. When I had all 6 of my kids at home we would take one day to do the 3 boys school shopping~ and one day to do the 3 girls school shopping. We would go to all of their favorite stores and I would take them to a fun restaurant (the boys have different favorites than the girls do...you know "man food" vs "Chick food") to eat lunch on their special trip. It would take the entire day, but for me that was TWO entire days, and having to do it all in the city 2 hours away, made alot of traveling on my part! BUT GOOD NEWS....we are down to doing it all in ONE day...that's what having only 2 girls and one boy left at home does to my school shopping extravaganza. Friday (yes, that was the last day before school starts) we were planning on leaving bright and early at 8am--- but I learned at 8:45am FRIDAY morning that my car wasn't registered and it needed to be inspected before we left!!! UHG...not cool. But because we live in a small town of AWESOME people, our friend that owns the tire store here, got me RIGHT in for an inspection (I love my little town of friends and neighbors who all look out for each other!!!!) and I was then out the door and on my way to get it registered. Then off to the bank, the gas station and away we went...only 2 hours late, but hey...better then never! Cameron had done 99% of his shopping on-line this year (bless his dear heart!) and so all we had to do was find shoes for him. Kim had gotten all of her pants on-line this year (which if any of you know her and her long legs...37" inseam pants are hard to buy off the rack from ANYWHERE) which again was a great blessing because we can spend and entire day hunting for 1 pair of jeans for this girl...so I was sure that we were going to have a little time to play plus I had some grocery shopping that I needed to do at Walmart too, so I was giving us about 3 hours and figured we would be done, with at least the school stuff. WRONG! I forget just how long it takes to find school clothes, the trying on...the taking off...the hunting...the perfect outfit...the perfect fit...the wrong color...the wrong size...the wrong store...etc. etc. etc....( you all know the drill)...at 8:30pm, and almost dark outside, we finally finished the school shopping, not the groceries, just the school stuff. I decided that the groceries would have to wait until Saturday because we still had a 2 hour drive home (if the deer made themselves scarce and stayed from off the road so that we would be safe in our journey). We still did all the shopping in record time (I thought). Thank goodness that Dayna was along to help! She has an eye for good deals, bargains and had coupons to pass around as well. She is a mighty trooper and we loved having her come along. (sorry Dayna, that we drug you around the entire city on a mad dash, but THANKS A MILLION for coming along). We loaded up our goods and headed for home. The kids were all wonderful that day. I don't think that we had one fight or even an argument the entire day (HEAVEN...YES I think I had a taste of it that day!!). As we were driving down Provo Canyon, Cameron requested that we listen to some "Taylor Swift" tunes...we popped a CD in, opened the sun roof, turned up the music and we jammed out to Taylor Swift, among others, all the way to Heber (that's when it got too cold to have the sun roof open anymore). We stopped and got the kids some McDonald's to satisfy their rumbly tummy's and we arrived home at a little before 11:00pm....AHHHHH...all in a days work!