Yesterday, Today...and tomorrow~

I am not a HUGE TV watcher...especially during the "daylight" hours. I have plenty of other things to do that occupy my time....besides- 9 out of 10 times, television puts me right to sleep. BUT periodically if I am folding laundry or doing something that requires me to sit down, yet be busy with my hands, I will turn on the tube and find something interesting to watch/listen to while I accomplished my task. We don't have satellite or cable, so we only receive the few "local" stations that come across the air. The other day I was flipping channels trying to find something to watch/listen while I did some of those "sit down chores". As I was pushing the channel button on the remote I caught a glimpse of what was coming up on the OPRAH SHOW ( back when I had satellite I had my DVR set to record Oprah every day so I could watch her in the morning while I was on the treadmill. I enjoy most of her shows...(not all)...but most. BUT since we no longer have satellite,  I haven't really been able to watch her).

On this particular day, Oprah was talking to twin sisters that had been sexually abused by their father and two brothers (yes, if you missed the show...it was shocking and horrifying that this really happens). It was something that defiantly got my attention...I guess because it was a human interest topic as well as being so sad and unbelievable. I was horrified at the events that took place in the lives of these sweet little girls from the time they were 5 years old and continuing on until they were 13 years old. Halle, who was watching with me, was SHOCKED as well. She looked at me with widened eyes and utter DISBELIEF written all over her face as she said,"Really???? Their DAD AND THEIR BROTHERS???? How could they do that????" I don't know HOW anyone could sexually abuse another person, let alone having parents and/or siblings be the perpetrators. It tore at my heart as these girls described the horror that they faced day in and day out at the hand of their family members, as they were growing up. Their lives should have been full of happy memories, playing with baby dolls, princess crowns, plastic food and going to birthday parties. Instead, their lives were full of terror every day from the time they got up in the morning until well into the night when they should have been asleep in their own beds. It was heart wrenching to hear the pain and fear that tormented these girls on a daily basis. I know that there are MANY children in the world that experience such horror in their lives...why? I just can't wrap my head around it!!! Back when I was growing up, I never heard of children being abused. Although, I am sure it was happening it just"wasn't OKAY" to talk about it.  As prevalent as I think it probably was years ago, I certainly don't think it was happening near as much, or to the extent, that it is happening today. It seems that you can't turn on the news or read the newspaper without hearing someone horrific story of abuse. Its an awful thing that is destroying so many lives.

Several years back my hubby and I were asked by our Bishop to attend a special conference in Salt Lake City. The conference was on "Pornography and its affects on our society". Our Bishop wanted us to learn as much as we could on the subject so that we could then, in turn, teach some classes to the adults and youth in our church. I have to admit that some of the information we were taught was a huge eye opener to me. I had no idea that porn was so readily available and had so many lasting affects on ones mind and body, as well as ones life. While there, I learned that MOST abusers (sexual) were abused at some point in their lives (I think I already knew that part)...and that MOST abusers are addicted to pornography!!! With the internet being available in all libraries and most homes, one can easily get porn just about anywhere, anytime and without anyone knowing about it. Back in my day, porn was bought at the local bookstore wrapped in paper and then covered with plastic. Everyone (in the store) knew what "one" was buying when they came and picked it up. Those in the store could put a face to whom was reading such things during their free time...therefore, I think it probably detoured some from purchasing such disgusting smut because they didn't want anyone to learn of their dirty little secret. NOW that its so readily available, no one ever has to know if "one" is looking at porn or to what extent they are looking at it. It can go undetected for years and years, yet its a sickness that will eventually take over "ones" soul. Its not something that "one" can just start looking at and then quits...its very similar to drugs.In fact it has the same affect on the body as addictive drugs do. "One's" body gets a "high" from looking at pornographic images, resulting in the need for looking at it more and more (just like the need for more and more drugs). Pretty soon "one" is looking at worse things than what they started out with and eventually acting out some of the things they saw portrayed in the pornography images that were looked at. THATS where sexual abuse comes into play. What an awful sickness plaguing our society.

 As I listened to these young girls on the OPRAH SHOW (whom were now 19) tell their life stories, describing the hateful acts of violence that they had to endure, I thought of how their innocence was taken away without them even having a choice...by no fault of their own. It was taken from them because of someone else's ugly decisions. These men/boys may or may not have been addicted to pornography, but my guess is...they probably were. Regardless of whether they were or not, each and every person in the world knows right from wrong. I am sure that at some point or another, these men each realized what they were doing to their daughter/sisters was wrong, but instead of stopping what they were doing, chose to continue their hateful acts. These girls have tried to "rise above" their past, take control of their lives and move forward.  It will never be easy for them because such things are never forgotten, but I admire their courage and their strength to try and overcome the pain and the terror they experienced for so many years of their lives. It was just a testament to me that we never really know the pains and trials that others face. We never really know the shame and the guilt that they might be feeling today, because most people don't/won't talk about it. We just never really know what hardships someone else's past or present holds.

After watching this show...I came to the conclusion (REALLY I already knew, but recognized once again) that many of our actions today are affected by our pasts. Many of the things that we experience in our childhood affect who we become...whether its for the bad or for the good. Our trials can make us better or they can hinder us. Its not our place to judge someone else, we have no right- we "haven't walked a mile in their shoes" nor do we know what troubles they are experiencing at the moment. As a people in general, it would be nice if we each could lift one another and bear each others burdens, buoy each other up, take a little time to truly listen, to really care and be there for someone. I think we all get wrapped up in our own (I know I do) every day life and forget that there are others out there that might be in need of our help today. I heard that today was "National Do A GOOD DEED DAY"...so today,  I hope I can "be a little kinder, be a little better" and take today (as well as tomorrow and the day after that and so on and so on and so on.....) to go out of my way to make someone else's day a little brighter.

Is it ReAlly BliSS...?

I am a blog hopper... I love to read other people's blogs. I love to see and hear what they are doing, what their families are up to, how they spend their days...their life struggles, sorrows, joys and triumphs. BUT...I have found a small problem in doing this-   
Most people write/post only the "BriGHt and CheeRFuL" things that happen in their lives, leaving people like me (just a plain, dull and ordinary person) thinking, "I wished I had their life" because by reading some of the posts, it sounds as though life is blissful and perfect all of the time...really, WHO wouldn't want your life?  ON the other hand, I am as guilty as the next when it comes to writing those "BriGHt and CheeRFul," misleading posts...most of us (ME for sure) don't want to "air our dirty laundry" for the world to see/hear. We fear judgement ( I do!) as well as help, so we harbor all of our "dirty little secrets" deep inside, keeping them tucked away...all to ourselves.

In my opinion, there is both good and bad with the theory to write ONLY upBeAt and haPPy things...

The good thing about sharing only the POSITIVE is-  It's enlightening to read about GOOD things that happen in this troubled world right now. Its nice to know that people are still taking their children to the park for picnics, that Christmas is a happy time for everyone and that kids can still say the "cutest" things ever. There is something that can be depressing about reading the down and outs of a "Debbie Downer" who is constantly whining and complaining about their problems....because "problems can be just like armpits, we all have them and they ALL STINK".... so sometimes its just nice to read about all the happy, fun things that go on in the every day lives of my blogging friends. 


YET on the other hand- sharing the ups, the downs and the "bad days" of one's life is often a help to those of us on the "readers end". By reading about someones struggles, it helps me become more compassionate, more thoughtful, more understanding and caring toward other people and the challenges that they face. There are many in the world that are living a "roller coaster" kind of life...full of struggles and challenges...knowing that we aren't alone is sometimes very comforting and often times gives us the reassurance that we can make it through our trials too.

I read a blog the other day that brought me to tears....literally, but not for the reason that you might think. This dear lady was having a really rotten week and she spilled her guts in a blog post. She wasn't looking for sympathy, she wasn't looking for pity or for words of advice, she was just venting...expressing her thoughts, her concerns and questioning "what might be next" for her and her family in her uncertain life. I cried because I could feel her pain...her sorrow and her anger... I cried because I felt her frustration, her heartache and even a little desperation as she expressed her most sincere and weighted thoughts. I instantly felt a bond to her. She was revealing some of her deepest worries and raw emotions over some struggles and challenges that she is having in her life right now...some of which are struggles of my own (but choose to keep to myself). I found myself wishing that I knew her, wishing we could talk and help each other get through our tough times together...wishing we could have each other to lean on as well as having an understanding shoulder to cry on, if needed. I was thankful that she was willing to do what I am not...to "let it all out there", so to speak. I know that she has her "BriGHt and CheeRFul" days too...because I've read those posts as well, but it was nice to know that she was human and living in the same "imperfect world" that I was living in. I sincerely appreciated her sharing her "NOT so BLISSful life..her NOT so happy DayS...and her "down in the dump" kind of moments. NOT that I was happy that she was having troubles in her life, that wasn't it at all...on the contrary it was just the opposite. I felt a sense of empathy as well as love for her...the kind of love that we should all feel for our fellow beings out in the world, especially during trying times.

Although I don't know that it's "my thing" to be able to share with the world what I am feeling or what is going on inside my life...I am very grateful that others are willing to express their deepest thoughts and struggles in writing . I realize that everyone out there in the "blogging world" that posts the "Pollyanna, life is perfect," kind of posts have their ups and downs in life too. Maybe they're just more like me and choose to "keep them tucked away, deep inside."

I will continue to blog hop as long as there is a blogging world...I will continue to read about the comings and goings in the lives of other people, the good things, the happy times and the "LIFE is grand" kind of posts...I may even still feel a little twinge of jealousy from time to time when seeing beautiful GREEN scenery in someones posted pictures (since I am experiencing BLAH white ugliness), when reading about the super exciting and fun things that other people get to do...I may even feel a twinge of jealousy when I see what you're eating for dinner (especially if mine is nasty)...but I will also continue to read about the difficult times of those out there that are willing to share their personal struggles and journeys as they express their feelings and frustrations, the way many of us wished we could do.

Food for thought...Day 10...GeT your GrOoVe ON~

I am a list maker. I make lists to remind me of my lists...I have "post-it notes" as part of my decor (or so it seems), reminding me of everything I need to do. I have a planner that keeps track of what needs to be done daily along with what needs to be done on a weekly basis as well. In January I always make a list of things that I want to accomplish during the next 4-5 months. I am a home body and I like a clean house...and I actually even enjoy cleaning (yes, that is everything except for the bathroom) and organizing. I use the winter months to "de-junk" and clean things out...so its important that I have the energy and the "oomph" to get it all done. There are days I seem to drag my feet and have a hard time getting "my groove on" and getting anything done...although, when the "planets align" and the "mood is right," I can get mounds of things crossed off my "TO DO" list....those are the days I live for!

3 things that "Get Me Moving"

1. Turn up the music!

...and not just any music. It has to be up-beat, fast and have an awesome rhythm to move to. I have a few of my favorites that get me going..."I gotta a feeling" by Black Eyed Peas is one of those songs at the top of my list right now.  I am a girl that has a WIDE variety of music likes...classical, pop, some country (not anything OLD...you know, the "twang, twang" stuff), soft rock and even a little bit of classic rock, but to get me going and my body moving-I listen to fun, fast and crazy good music. 

2. Wind up the TIMER! 

Setting the timer and giving myself a designated time to finish a certain amount of chores is quite affective for me. I guess it goes back to my childhood when  my mom would give me a "dead line" to have my daily jobs finished...I would sometimes push it right to the limit, wiping the last bit of the bathroom down before my "time was up" (no worries, I always beat the clock). It's actually motivational for me to know that I only have "X" amount of time to get my work done...as well as a way to hold myself accountable when doing the "HAVE TO DO" chores (you know, those chores that we dread and put off doing). I know that I only have so much time to get them done and I move a bit quicker and don't dread them quite as much, I just get them done THEN  I reward myself by getting to do some of the "more desirable jobs" on my list...the ones that I actually WANT to do. 

...that brings me to my next thing on my list-

3. ReWaRdS!

Everyone needs a few little rewards to look forward to in life...I know, it sounds a little "childish" but it works for my simple little mind. I tell myself that if I work hard for a certain amount of time then I can do something that I want to do...it could be anything ranging from organizing (really- I LOVE to organize and clean...I really do) or cleaning a certain area of the house that I have big hopes and ideas for, painting a room, making a craft, sewing, lounging in the  yard, going for a ride or having some down time for reading or a favorite TV show and sometimes if I have a little extra money in my pocket, I might even treat myself to a little shopping...that doesn't happen very often, but sometimes it gives me something to look forward to. 

"Believe in yourself...it makes the possibilities endless"

Food for thought...Day 9...BECauSe I WaNt To!

One of my favorite movies of all time is "Runaway Bride". I not only love it because Julia Roberts stars in it (she just happens to be one of my fav's), but its just highly entertaining to me...makes me smile...makes me cry and even makes me laugh!...AND believe it or not, I actually learned something from this fantastic little flick...remember the part where she always orders her eggs the same as her "significant other"?...Because she hadn't discovered for herself what SHE herself, LIKED? She was always just going along with whatever someone told her she liked. That particular clip in the movie was a bit of a "lightbulb" moment for me (and who said that you couldn't learn things from a chick flick?!).  I took a little "self-inventory" to see if there were things in my life that I was doing because someone else thought I should or shouldn't do them...or was I one that could stand on my own two feet and "order my eggs the way I wanted them?" so to speak. After all that thinking and pondering and taking a good look at myself, I discovered that I am indeed not a follower (don't know whether thats a good thing or a bad thing). I do things because I choose to, not because someone else tells me to or decides for me...I am a big girl and I decide for myself what I want.

So this brings me to "Day Nine's Food for Thought"...

3 things I do because "I like/want to"...

Choice 1= Eat my Veggies~

I grew up on a farm for most of my life. We had animals, fruit trees and a lot of space....to grow a gigantic vegetable garden. We had one garden that was just for squash, a garden of cucumbers, one for corn and another for tomatoes, peas and beans...we never had a shortage of vegetables during the summer and thats what we lived on from the time the vegetables were ready to harvest. I've always loved vegetables. I can just pick a tomato right from the vine and eat it like an apple...beans taste best raw, right from the bush and carrots taste even better with a little dirt still on them...veggies are my friend and I adore them! I eat plates of them, raw, boiled, baked and grilled...they are one of my favorite foods. I have people ask me all the time "HOW can you stand to eat so many vegetables?"...you eat what you like, I eat what I like!...and thats why I eat my veggies!  

Choice  2= Wear HEELS~

I've always been tall. In grade school I stood a head above everyone else, including the boys, for years. I hated being tall, so I quickly developed a slouch...you know, the one that you get when you don't want anyone to notice you (because somehow you think if you slouch you will then be the same height as your short friend standing next to you...you know the slouch I'm talking about). I even believed it was working. THEN I had a life changing experience...we went to visit my Grandma and Grandpa who lived a few hours away from us (so we didn't see them frequently). As I walked into the living room, right past my grandpa sitting in his easy b chair he caught my arm and very tenderly said, "You are such a beautiful girl, why don't you stand up straight so that the world can see just how beautiful you are?" He then he went on to tell me that he thought tall women were so pretty and wondered why I slouched like I did. I told him that I didn't like being tall, everyone made fun of me. He told me not worry about what other people said, "just stand up straight and tall and be proud of your height, slouching won't change what you are (he said), you're tall, you will always be tall, so lift your head and stand up straight". Leaving grandpa's that night, I walked a little taller and felt a little better about who I was. It wasn't too long after that talk from my sweet grandpa that I bought my first pair of "HIGH HEELS". There was something invigorating about putting them on and feeling straight and tall...and not caring what anyone else thought. To this day, I love wearing heels, I actually prefer them over a flat shoe. I am a 5 foot 11 inch tall woman without heels...with them, I stand anywhere from 6' 2" to 6' 4" depending on the shoe I decide to wear. I get all kinds of stares and even some derogatory comments from people that think there is something seriously wrong with tall people wearing heels...(might I ask...why do some short people wear flats?!) I am grateful that my grandpa loved me enough to give me a few words of wisdom and remind me to "be who I am, love who I am and not worry about what others think"....and that, my friends, is why I love wearing heels!

Choice 3= Have short, spiky, colored hair~

Growing up I was never one for having LONG hair...I always coveted the long beautiful locks of my peers but  I just didn't have the patience to grow it out. I loved looking at long hair styles and dreaming but it just didn't seem to happen for me. My hair would get to my shoulders and the ends were usually split and in bad condition so I would have them trimmed and would end up just keeping it that length. When I got married my hubby once expressed how much he LOVED long hair and made a simple request that I grow it out...so "for him" I tried. I didn't get it much past my shoulders before it started to drive me crazy. I usually ended up pulling it up in a pony tail or a clip in an attempt to keep it out my face, but continued to try (for years) to grow my hair long and beautiful like all of the models had.
I have always been one for "changing my hair styles", usually when I was expecting a baby (I think because I felt fat and ugly and the only thing I could change about my looks was my hair) so with each new pregnancy, I got a new do, in my attempt to try and feel beautiful...but I always kept the length. After my last baby thirteen years ago, I went through countless hair styles, trying to find one that would please both me and my hubby. Finally after ten years of hunting, testing and figuring out what I wanted, I found one... that "I" LOVE! Surprisingly enough its...NOT LONG! Its short, its spiky and it's a little "out there"...but it's totally me. I quit trying to be something I'm not ( a woman with the long beautiful, flowing hair) and started being the "funky, spunky" woman that I always knew that I was. I still LOVE long hair and admire those that can wear it long and beautiful, but it's NOT ME...I tried, but its just not.  Along with finding the right hair cut came a "new color" too...it was  a "solid", a hair color without the "salt and pepper" effect that may hair was starting to take on (you know, when that grey tends to start peeking through...UHG). I'm once again a brunette...a dark, solid brunette. Hubby loves my short hair...although I think that secretly he wishes it was long and luscious...but it's not ever going to be and I think he has come to grips with that. I've heard many comments on my hair...some good, some bad. I've been called "Elvira"...been asked if I forgot to comb my hair this morning and even been asked if I wanted to "borrow" a comb...all of which I just smile at...because I love my hair, not because someone says I should...but because I really do! Its me and it's staying!

Wish it, Dream it, Do it~

                                      -Author unknown

Food for thought...Day -8 Collective thinking

I've never been much of a collector. As a child I had to make a bug collection for school...I didn't enjoy it at all. When I think of collections the first things that come to my mind are "stamps, rocks, bugs and coins"...none of which I would enjoy collecting. BUT I do have a few things that I collect from time to time...DUST (don't enjoy collecting it either) would be one of them. It collects itself, I don't even have to go out and hunt for it. It sits itself right down on anything from my TV to my bookshelves. Its hard to get rid of... it just insists on coming back day after day, week after week... so I guess you could say that I collect it!

3 "more" things that I collect

A) I collect spoons...

When my older kids were in school they were involved in a school club called FCCLA (Family, Career and Community Leaders of America). They frequently won their competitions on a State level and were able to go to the National Convention many times. It is always held out of state, sometimes clear across the country. While my kids were gone they always bought souvenirs for those of us at home. Thats when it all started...my daughter brought me back a spoon from one of the states that she had visited. I loved it! From then on out, that was the souvenir that I always received as a gift, as well as the little souvenir that I bought myself when I went anywhere. Years later after my Grandmother passed away, I found out she also collected spoons and I inherited her spoon collection. I have spoons from all over the country as well as a few from out of the country...they aren't worth anything, but they mean a lot to me.

B) I collect recipes...

I guess that goes with the territory when I have a recipe blog ( betterthanburgers.net ) as well as being a mom and cooking for 6 children and a hubby for most of my married life. I have clipped recipes from magazines, gathered them from friends and family and have many cookbooks piled up in a cupboard. Having a recipe blog has forced me to try A LOT OF DIFFERENT RECIPES, which has helped me thin out my piles of paper (although I still have quite the collection). If we like the recipe and its one I will make again, I file it in a binder as well as blog about it. If its one that didn't turn out or that the family just wasn't hip on, it gets chucked. I see no reason to hang on to something that we won't ever make again. I like trying new recipes and making up my own...now if someone would just come and clean up the messes that my "recipe trying" makes, I would be all set!

C) I collect clutter/stuff...


Actually...I don't intentionally collect clutter...it just seems to "gather" at my house. Every winter I spend months going through piles of papers, collected junk, messy closets, crowded cupboards and things lurking under the beds... filling trash bags to the brim. I wonder sometimes where all this "stuff" comes from. You know what I'm talking about, all that "stuff" that you save for "some  reason" but when you finally get around to looking at it again you wonder why you saved it in the first place...you know the stuff I'm talking about, I know I can't be the only one that collects this clutter, AM I?  There's always the "stuff" that I tend to save thinking "someday I might need this OR it serves a purpose, just not right now"...yep, I collect all that kind of stuff.  I always have good intentions of having a garage sale (you know, one man's junk is another man's treasure) and sometimes I do...but most often than not it ends up getting  donated to good will or filling up the land fill. I hate junk, I hate clutter and during these cold and frigid months I find it therapeutic to CLEAN and try to "deplete" my collection of clutter. Someday I will be able to say that I am "clutter and junk free"....I'm getting there, just haven't made it yet.

ProGrEss!

*We are still working on "fixing my computer" so that I can upload pics once again....its coming along and hopefully soon I can have posts that actually have a "visual" with them...(for all of you visual people like me, that like pictures to go along with a good read)...not that I ever do anything exciting and thrilling that I have pictures to go along with...but its always nice to have something to look at, especially if the post is boring...(ha ha ha ha ha)

Food for thought...Day 7..."Do I HAVE TO?"

As I child I had a HUGE list of things that I wished I never had to do...things like "Wash the dishes, fold the laundry, feed the animals, weed the garden, go to school, eat peas, clean my room"...you know, the same list that everyone has. But now that I've grown up, those things aren't really on that list anymore. I still don't LOVE to do all of them, but I don't mind doing them either...actually there are a few that I enjoy-like cleaning (I actually enjoy the RESULT more than the process...but it's not bad either). Being an adult, I have a whole NEW list of "Don't want to do's"....

...and here are my

Top 3 things that I wished I never had to do~

Number 1 on my list is.....

Exercise! Now wait a minute...don't get me wrong, I want ALL THE BENEFITS that come from exercising, I just don't want to HAVE to do it anymore. I want to be able to be in tip top shape (ummm...I'm not EVEN there after I exercise like a work horse), be slim and trim (ummm...not there EITHER!) and be able to eat whatever I choose to, WHENEVER I choose to....so see, what I really want is to "have my cake and eat it to", so to speak! 

Yes, I would like to never have to exercise again if I didn't want to, but still reap all the good rewards that eventually come from exercise. 

Number 2 on my list is.....

Shave my legs! There again...I want to have clean shaven legs...but I don't want the hassle of doing it! It's an inconvenience and always has to be done when I am in a hurry to get ready...Yes, I realize there are procedures that can be done to make this wish come true but it's a bit on the pricey side and there are other things I would prefer to do with that money (ha ha ha...if I had the money in the first place)...so until then, I will continue to shave my legs and wish that I never had to again.

Number 3 on my list is.....

Clean the Bathroom! I am one that really doesn't mind cleaning. It's actually quite rewarding when its all done because I love a clean house, tidy rooms and fresh smells. When I was young and living at home my sister and I had this deal during the summer months...she would help mom with all the canning (because I DESPISE canning) if I would clean the house so she didn't have to help with that! It was a killer deal and I couldn't have asked for anything better, that is until I was in cleaning the bathroom....the one place I HATE to clean. Maybe it's the smells (heaven knows there are plenty of foul smells in there), maybe it all the hair lurking about (gag, gag...I have a thing with hair...it makes me gag, literally) maybe it's the "pee" that has ran down the side of the toilet from boys that don't have very good aim, maybe its just the thought of the MILLION'S of GERMS that lurk in that part of the house...or maybe its all of that and more. Need-less-to-say the bathroom is my least place to clean in the entire house and when I do it, it's certainly a labor of love. I thoroughly enjoy a clean bathroom, the sparkle of the sink and tub, the shiny tile and the spotless mirror...and the ODORLESS toilet... so YES I CLEAN my bathrooms on a regular basis but it's not something I look forward to or enjoy in the least. I wished I never had to clean my bathrooms again...but I also wished that someone else would do it for me, so that I could continue to reap the benifits of a clean bathroom.

"Oh if wishes were fishes...we would all have a good fry"

                                       -author unknown